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I guess it's good that I didn't set a lot of explicit goals for 2020.
I did not:
- go to Mexico, Germany, or Switzerland like I'd bought tickets for; nor did I go to Amsterdam or Singapore for work as I'd hoped
- fix the job situation. It's somewhat better, in that I'm back to doing what I was hired for, but I'm just so over their issues
- get ARR more involved in public service stuff
On the other hand, I also did not:
- break anything irrevocable in my marriage
- throw my child out a window
- lose my job
- get COVID
- lose anyone I cared deeply about
- have anyone in my immediate circle lose their job or get a serious bout of COVID
I did have one short story published in a professional venue, finished revisions on a novel and started shopping it to agents, and even actually lost a few of the pounds I'd put on in April to end up with my pants fitting better now than this time last year.
Under the circumstances, I will call this all a major win.
Also, under the circumstances, I'm finding it emotionally difficult to plan more than a week ahead of time. The anxiety of the endless destroyed plans of the spring is still too fresh. The beginning of this year was some of the sickest I've ever been. The number of crying jags and panic attacks is absolutely the worst I've had. I am so, so unbelievably lucky--and if I've been this much of a wreck given how lucky our family is, I can only imagine how horrible things have been for everyone else.
So I'm grateful. Grateful for what I have. Grateful to our school, who have tried so hard. Grateful for every bit of happiness anyone's managed to eke out this year.
I'm going to try to just take this year a week at a time. Try to do things--volunteering, job searching, writing, exercise--that will make me feel satisfied with my time at the end of the week, not with any goal in mind. Maybe next year, things will feel stable enough again for goals.
I did not:
- go to Mexico, Germany, or Switzerland like I'd bought tickets for; nor did I go to Amsterdam or Singapore for work as I'd hoped
- fix the job situation. It's somewhat better, in that I'm back to doing what I was hired for, but I'm just so over their issues
- get ARR more involved in public service stuff
On the other hand, I also did not:
- break anything irrevocable in my marriage
- throw my child out a window
- lose my job
- get COVID
- lose anyone I cared deeply about
- have anyone in my immediate circle lose their job or get a serious bout of COVID
I did have one short story published in a professional venue, finished revisions on a novel and started shopping it to agents, and even actually lost a few of the pounds I'd put on in April to end up with my pants fitting better now than this time last year.
Under the circumstances, I will call this all a major win.
Also, under the circumstances, I'm finding it emotionally difficult to plan more than a week ahead of time. The anxiety of the endless destroyed plans of the spring is still too fresh. The beginning of this year was some of the sickest I've ever been. The number of crying jags and panic attacks is absolutely the worst I've had. I am so, so unbelievably lucky--and if I've been this much of a wreck given how lucky our family is, I can only imagine how horrible things have been for everyone else.
So I'm grateful. Grateful for what I have. Grateful to our school, who have tried so hard. Grateful for every bit of happiness anyone's managed to eke out this year.
I'm going to try to just take this year a week at a time. Try to do things--volunteering, job searching, writing, exercise--that will make me feel satisfied with my time at the end of the week, not with any goal in mind. Maybe next year, things will feel stable enough again for goals.
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Date: 2021-01-03 03:12 pm (UTC)From: