Sexist Christmas?

[jethrien]

So the Washington Post ran a story about a dad who tries to run Christmas one year without his wife's help, and does stereotypical things like giving lame gifts and dodging social obligations and trying to not do Christmas cards.

And my first thought was to be pissed. I don't like sexist humor in general, whether it's making women or men look stupid. I don't like the stereotype of fathers being useless and hopeless and clueless. My first thought was "If my Chuckro was to take over Christmas, he'd do it perfectly. He's not a moron. He knows how long you have to ship things to reach distant relatives, he values homemade cookies over storebought ones, he is capable of getting all the Christmas cards out the door on time." But then the second thought was - but I still do all of it. The baking, the Christmas cards, the decorating, etc. Because I care, and he really doesn't. I wrap most of his presents to people other than me. If it were up to him, we wouldn't do most of this stuff. We wouldn't have a tree until there were kids, and it would then be a fake tree and we'd leave all the lights on it. We might have some cookies, but it wouldn't be six kinds, with festive colored sugar. We certainly wouldn't bother with Christmas cards.

My third thought was that if for some reason he took over Christmas - because I was seriously injured or because he had an editor that insisted or some other disaster - he'd probably still do it all "right", because he knows it matters to me even if it doesn't matter to him. So my initial thought is justified. I don't think he'd ever do any of the fuss of his own free will, but if he agreed to take it on, I maintain that he'd do it flawlessly. So my initial outrage is totally justified, I think. Men are not stupid, and there's nothing here they can't do, they're just socially sanctioned to be incompetent and so are. Mine isn't generally incompetent even when society says he can be (see re: laundry and cooking), which is why he's awesome and I love him.

But that still leads to the question - how much of the Christmas atmosphere is a female thing? Would the majority of men care if three-quarters of it disappeared? If we just threw up a tree with a handful of ornaments, gave presents to our immediate family, ate some storebought cookies, and skipped the hoopla? Or do guys also like the cards and extended family networking and overly ambitious baking and cleaning and decorating, but are socialized not to bother because women will throw up their hands and do it for them?

So - how many guys here actually care about elaborate Christmas celebrations? How many women do, for that matter? (I realize that this is somewhat biased in that most of the people reading this are young enough not to have necessarily established many Christmas traditions independent of their families, yet.)

Comments

[dushai.livejournal.com]

I think that in general it's a question of what's important to you. For some people who are more social or who value the bonds of family more, it's important to do certain activities that in their opinion strengthen those bonds: exchange Christmas cards, exchange presents, have get-togethers, do things with the kids, whatever. The 1950s stereotype is that women are social and men don't care. I believe the rest follows naturally if you accept those assumptions.

Me, I consider myself social and I want to keep in touch with friends so I take the excuse to do so during this season. I'm a post-1950s male. :) On the other hand, I really don't like exchanging gifts. I don't need much, so I always have a hard time thinking of things people can get me. And when people try to get me things they think I'd like, sometimes they're right, but more often they're wrong and and I end up with something I don't want but I can't get rid of without feeling like a heel. And I don't want to make other people feel like that, keeping a present of mine around because they don't want to make me feel bad. If I have a list of who wants what, shopping is a hassle, but I'll do it anyway because I like doing nice things for people close to me. But I'd just as soon skip it. Wanna give me a present? I'd like a long late-night deeply personal conversation, please. I'd also be thrilled to get a mix CD, ideally with personalized liner notes. A phone call or email would be perfectly acceptable and much more common.

Of course, not being Christian, I don't have the tradition factor or the "I enjoyed it growing up" factor motivating me. (And Hanukkah is really a piddling little holiday that's just an excuse for Jewish kids to get presents, so that doesn't count.)

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

(And Hanukkah is really a piddling little holiday that's just an excuse for Jewish kids to get presents, so that doesn't count.)

I think you mean, "And Hanukkah is really an awesome little holiday that's just an excuse for Jewish kids to eat delicious latkas that mom will only make once a year because they're horrible for you."

[edgehopper.livejournal.com]

Which is a good excuse for me to link an article I really like on the subject.

[maydove.livejournal.com]

I'll never look at hamentashen the same way again...

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

So when are we making latkes this year? We'll be at my parents' for most of Hanukkah.

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking for gaming on the 17th. That's only a few days before Hanukkah starts, which is good enough.

[dushai.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I should have been more specific. Hanukkah is piddling in terms of its religious significance. Hanukkah is AWESOME in terms of its SHEER AWESOMENESS. And latkes totally rock.