jethrien

Title: The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year
Author: Armin A. Brott
Genre: Parenting Guides
Thingummies: 5

Synopsis: A month-by-month guide to babies, aimed specifically at dads.

Thoughts: I started reading this because someone recommended it to my husband, and so it was lying around. I'm rather grateful to the guy who recommended it.

During pregnancy, I bumped up against a number of materials aimed at dads, and was frequently annoyed by them. So many of them seemed condescending to me, acting as if guys are more interested in football and have be to coaxed into learning about their kids. But at the same time, I can see the need--an awful lot of the parenting guides are aimed, whether explicitly or just implicitly, at the moms. And I can see how dads would be steadily turned off by their status as a random chapter and a sidebar or two, thrown in as an afterthought.

This book fills the gap beautifully, without talking down to anyone. It assumes that guys are just as anxious to be good parents as the women are, and acknowledges that there are a number of ways in which being a dad is different than being a mom. It points out which ones are just trends (dads tend to be more physical with their children on average) that may or may not apply to an individual situation, which differences are biological, and which differences are imposed by society. It encourages fathers to buck the stupid society ones but doesn't sweep the anxieties that many men have under the carpet. There aren't any jokey references to football, as if men can't relate to their infants without elaborate metaphors--there is an assumption that any man reading this book has a genuine desire to bond with his kid and doesn't need to be tricked into it.

And the info is great. There are milestones for the infant at the beginning of each chapter, plus notes on what's likely to be going on with mom, with dad's feelings, and with the relationships between all the family members. There are charts of immunizations, reflexes, temperaments, and more. There are suggestions for age-appropriate ways to play with your child, a huge emphasis on reading to kids and on exposing them to different kinds of music, explanations of different kinds of life insurance, discussions of work-life balance and how to find good child care, and more. The tone is friendly and matter-of-fact, the information is thorough and interestingly presented, and the facts all line up with other sources (such as the Mayo Clinic guides). Controversial topics like cosleeping and disposable diapers are treated in an even-handed and non-hysterical manner. In general, I thought it was informative, supportive, and reassuring, without being in the slightest bit condescending. Dads deserve credit and support, and I think this book does an excellent job of providing both.