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Last night, on the way home, I had not one but two weird encounters on public transit.
- On the subway, my car got Occupied by a very earnest young man who proceeded to read from The Grapes of Wrath, specifically the part in the beginning when the banks force the owners to force the farmers off their land. It was actually really quite appropriate. And because I like Steinbeck's prose and the guy did a good job reading, pleasant in a thought-provoking way. Like having a subway preacher who you actually kinda agreed with and with really good word choice. (And he just read aloud, didn't do anything that seriously inconvenienced anyone.) Well done, OWS protester.
- When I got on board the PATH, I took out my Nook. The guy who was sitting in the seat I was standing in front of was an older man with a thick accent I couldn't identify.
"Excuse me, young lady," he said.
"Yes?" I answered, wondering if he was going to hit on me or offer me his seat.
"I would like to ask you, wouldn't you rather talk to someone than read a book?" This was said slowly and very earnestly.
I paused for a second, taken aback, and then said quite frankly, "No."
He looked surprised. "Why not?"
"Because I like my book, thank you." Then I buried my nose in the Nook and he was silent for the rest of the ride.
Now, it's not that I dislike talking to people, but strangers on public transit are not generally my first choice. There's a Code. And I spent the better part of the day playing salesperson, which meant I was witty and charming and sincere and delightful to perfect strangers whom I did not personally care about in the slightest. (Although they were also quite nice and it was a perfectly pleasant lunch.) So no, I didn't want to be charming to strangers again, I wanted to read my book during the one time I don't feel guilty about reading my book. I really like reading. I don't have much time for it except in the subway. If you want me to talk to you instead of read, you should probably pay me.
Only, I ended up spending half the time pretending to read and puzzling over what the heck brought that on. He didn't try to talk to anyone else. Was it just that he wanted to talk to someone and the first person shot him down so he stopped? Did he want to talk to me because I'm young-ish and pretty? Does he have something against books? Or Nooks? Is he new to the subway and doesn't understand the Code? What on earth brought that on? Curse you, strange man! Despite not wanting to talk to you, I've now devoted far too much time thinking about you!
- On the subway, my car got Occupied by a very earnest young man who proceeded to read from The Grapes of Wrath, specifically the part in the beginning when the banks force the owners to force the farmers off their land. It was actually really quite appropriate. And because I like Steinbeck's prose and the guy did a good job reading, pleasant in a thought-provoking way. Like having a subway preacher who you actually kinda agreed with and with really good word choice. (And he just read aloud, didn't do anything that seriously inconvenienced anyone.) Well done, OWS protester.
- When I got on board the PATH, I took out my Nook. The guy who was sitting in the seat I was standing in front of was an older man with a thick accent I couldn't identify.
"Excuse me, young lady," he said.
"Yes?" I answered, wondering if he was going to hit on me or offer me his seat.
"I would like to ask you, wouldn't you rather talk to someone than read a book?" This was said slowly and very earnestly.
I paused for a second, taken aback, and then said quite frankly, "No."
He looked surprised. "Why not?"
"Because I like my book, thank you." Then I buried my nose in the Nook and he was silent for the rest of the ride.
Now, it's not that I dislike talking to people, but strangers on public transit are not generally my first choice. There's a Code. And I spent the better part of the day playing salesperson, which meant I was witty and charming and sincere and delightful to perfect strangers whom I did not personally care about in the slightest. (Although they were also quite nice and it was a perfectly pleasant lunch.) So no, I didn't want to be charming to strangers again, I wanted to read my book during the one time I don't feel guilty about reading my book. I really like reading. I don't have much time for it except in the subway. If you want me to talk to you instead of read, you should probably pay me.
Only, I ended up spending half the time pretending to read and puzzling over what the heck brought that on. He didn't try to talk to anyone else. Was it just that he wanted to talk to someone and the first person shot him down so he stopped? Did he want to talk to me because I'm young-ish and pretty? Does he have something against books? Or Nooks? Is he new to the subway and doesn't understand the Code? What on earth brought that on? Curse you, strange man! Despite not wanting to talk to you, I've now devoted far too much time thinking about you!
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Date: 2011-11-21 12:46 am (UTC)From:And I also think that choosing to apply a different set of rules to city life than you apply to smaller groups is a perfectly reasonably way for some people to deal with it. If it keeps you sane, rock on. I'd go so far as to say that that's a reasonably common way of dealing with it, and even people who have other defense mechanisms (or a higher tolerance for population density) should be aware that many people employ this defense mechanism, and therefore many people won't appreciate being recruited into an extended dialogue against their will.
So far, we agree completely!
I would just add that there are some people who don't feel the need to employ that mechanism to endure city life, and while they are required to respect the rights of anyone who doesn't want to have a random conversation with them, they also have the right to exist themselves: "The Code" may be universal among a certain subset of people, but it's not universal across all people. And implying the universality of The Code is equivalent to saying that these other people have no right to seek conversations with strangers, and they should be ostracized for doing so.
And clearly exceptions are recognized even by people who subscribe to "The Code" -- I don't think they'd be offended if someone asked them which subway stop this was, or for the time, or any of several other relatively brief questions that don't impose unduly. I propose that, in order for fans and non-fans of random conversations to get along together in the world, we should view "Are you interested in a random conversation?" as a question in that category -- with "No, thank you" being a perfectly acceptable answer that must be respected.
Personally, I don't try to engage strangers in conversation, but if someone wants to start one with me, and they don't appear to be mentally ill (which unfortunately eliminates a lot of them), then I'm totally up for it. I admit to self-interest in this discussion, in that I want to maintain my supply of conversation partners. :)