jethrien

Ok, so I finished skimming the terrible, terrible book. (By the way - it's The Affinity Trap, just so you can make sure you avoid it.)

Overall basic plot summary: Dude has fallen from grace because he refuses to wastefully kill as much as the corrupt General-Lord-Of-Everything wants him to. General has sex with repulsive-yet-sexy alien babe to impregnate her to prevent a war. (Never explained how. But everytime she's present, the author makes certain to remind you how she's totally ugly and oozes weird liquids from unmentionable places, and this is totally, totally hot.) She runs away. General sends Dude after her. She has sex with him, and he drags her back to the General. Apparently, he thought about rebelling and then decided not to or something. The General notes that he had sex with her and declares he'll kill Dude. Dude shoots everyone but cannot bring himself to kill the evil General he hates and thinks has ruined the galaxy and now is totally going to have sex with the chick Dude digs. He escapes, has pointless encounters with androids, and escapes again. Meets plucky resistance group. Hears news announcement that alien is pregnant and magically realizes the baby is his. Now decides to attack government. Gets most of plucky resistance group killed. Discovers that General is, gasp, evil. Alien gives birth, Dude hears baby crying, dies from injuries sustained while fighting his way to her side. General carries off baby. Last of plucky resistance group crashes an aircraft into the building for no apparent reason and discovers, gasp, there's a second baby hiding under a pillar. End of book.

- Number of women who have sex with Dude for no apparent reason (He doesn't seduce them, or even flirt - he's just sitting there minding his own business, and they come over and start kissing him): at least 3, plus an orgy
- Number of named female characters who don't have sex with Dude: 0
- Number of times he crash-lands a spacecraft, while wearing no safety equipment, and walks away without a scratch, literally ten feet from where the plot needs him to be: 2
- Number of people Dude-who-was-demoted-for-not-wastefully-killing-enough-people kills wastefully: No clue. Probably at least 30?
- Number of times cold-emotionless-killer-Dude could kill the general who is shoot-the-dog Evil, whom Dude directly blames for the horrific state of the dystopian society, without whom Dude believes the whole corrupt system would crumble, and who is raping the alien woman Dude sort of dysfunctionally loves or at least enjoys having sex with - yet doesn't actually kill him: at least 3
- Number of sequels starring this character, despite the fact he dies on the second to last page: 2