On the usefulness of strictness

[jethrien]

When I was in high school, I was such a well-behaved little goody-two-shoes, that it was quite evident that my parents kept me on a really tight leash. (They didn't - I was just naturally that way.) This became useful a small number of critical times. There were a couple of times that I "asked" my parents' permission to do something that I didn't want to do but socially couldn't refuse. (Me on phone: "Let me ask my mom. Mom, can I do X?" Mom:"Sure." Me: "She won't let me." Mom, confused: "Yes, I will." Me: "Yeah, it sucks. Have fun without me." Click. Mom: "You didn't want to do X, did you." Me: "Nope.") This included at one point begging her to ban me from going to a coed sleepover that I didn't particularly care about one way or another, but a good friend really really didn't want to go to because she was in a weird relationship with a guy she was quasi-dating and didn't want to spend the night in his vicinity. My mom didn't actually have a problem with me going to the sleepover, but was willing to play along and forbid me to go, scuttling the plans without anyone being insulted.

It's not the most honest way to get around things, but sometimes it's very convenient.

It's a shame Chuckro keeps me on such a tight leash now. I'm sorry, kind of creepy guy in another department who I just met, I can't go to coffee with you. Makes husband uncomfortable. What can you do?

(Never mind that Chuckro doesn't give a damn if I go out for drinks with my immediate male coworkers fairly often, including one-on-one. He doesn't care, he's not at all a jealous type, and he (rightfully) trusts me. But then, most of my coworkers are awesome people whom I like. And I really, really didn't want to get coffee with this one guy.)

Comments

[wendywoowho.livejournal.com]

Heh. I did this, too (though was goody goody enough that I actually made the 'rents SAY what I needed to hear so I wouldn't technically be lying).

"Dad, can you please tell me I can't go to the after-party with Jason?"
"You can go, that's fine."
"No, Daddy, please tell me I CAN'T go."
"This is stupid."
"Yes. Please?"
"'You can't go.'"
*seconds later, back on the porch*
"I'm sorry, Jason, my dad says I can't go."

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Heh! I have totally heard of this technique being used, although I don't think I ever had cause to use it myself. (At least, w/r/t my parents. Probably with boyfriends, yeah.)

In my mind, it's vaguely related to the parenting principle of "Don't be afraid to set limits for your kids by telling them they can't do things, because sometimes it's a relief for them to have the decision taken out of their hands." But that's a different case from "your kid has his/her own reasons for NOT wanting to do something, so please just play along and be the heavy"!

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

I love parents who know what their kids need. :)

[nanonicole.livejournal.com]

Haha. This was actually my mother's idea when I was in high school.

"Mom, some of my friends are going out to do blahblahblah." *Sigh* "I don't want to go, but don't have a good excuse."
"So tell them I won't let you. Blame me."

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

Oh, Moms. They are awesome. (Or at least, ours are.)

[cubby-t-bear.livejournal.com]

Hah. I used a variant of this to duck out of a cousin's wedding :)

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

...I'm useful?

Albeit apparently petty, controlling and antifeminist, just like all the TV shows say I should be.

[wavilyem.livejournal.com]

After I got my driver's license, a really annoying classmate on my high school math team started asking for rides and I was genuinely concerned about him bothering me while driving me so much that it'd be a distraction. Oh was it nice that my parents conveniently forbade me from driving him. ;)

I've used variants of this at work too, such as "I know this situation is ridiculous but my boss is a maniac". :)

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's a good one, too.

[lithoglyphic.livejournal.com]

It took a long time for me to figure this out, but one of the popular girls I grew up with? TOTALLY USED THIS ALL THE TIME. And is probably why she managed to be both the most popular girl in school, and have a high GPA. "Why yes of course I WANT to go to that weeknight party, but you know my mom... she never lets me do ANYTHING"

[lithoglyphic.livejournal.com]

Reminds me of the fake-engagement-ring trick. (Never used, nor have heard of anyone IRL using... but I have a feeling it's not completely apocryphal.)

[nanonicole.livejournal.com]

I met a guy once who wanted to do the opposite. He wanted to buy a cheap ring that looked like a wedding ring and then hope that it made him more attractive to the ladies. Oy.

[lithoglyphic.livejournal.com]

Auggggh. No.

[shnayder.livejournal.com]

I definitely know people who've done this, mostly when traveling in other countries (especially Africa and Latin America). Apparently the problem is that often, people don't notice, and start bugging you anyway.

[fyrna.livejournal.com]

I've heard it's relatively common among bartenders.

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

I've never tried to fake it, but I've been really glad of my real rings on a couple occasions.