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Can't sleep, Perez Hilton will eat me
Jan. 3rd, 2013 03:26 amApparently thanks to the flood of progesterone in my system at the moment, I spend a lot of time awake staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night these days. For the last hour, I've been trying unsuccessfully to sleep. Every time I fall asleep, I have a completely ridiculous dream and wake up five minutes later. So far, I've dreamt:
- That my birthday party turned out to be more like Edgehopper's bachelor party, and involved a shooting range with a massive arsenal of many kinds of guns and also bows. That shot raw cookie dough. It's unclear whether they were for using cookie dough as a target or ammunition; possibly both, given that after five minutes of glorious violence, everything was completely covered in cookie dough. Ivy03 was deeply concerned that she had been forced to invite several coworkers to the party for professional reasons. I wasn't particularly bothered that she'd invited half a dozen people that I'd never met who were due to arrive at any minute, and spent several minutes trying to calm her social anxieties.
- I was trying to infiltrate a base at night that turned out, to our surprise, to be defended by AT-ATs and AT-STs with floodlights. I thought we could probably just hide in the woods and they'd walk right past us, but Lando didn't crouch down in the ferns fast enough and the searchlights caught his stupid blue cape and they started shooting at us.
- I was a giant squid lying on a table at Christie's, listening to people auction off my body parts, to my increasing horror.
- Perez Hilton called me at work, trying to buy TV advertising inventory to defend his claim that he is the originator of the term "amazeballs".
Oh god, I'm so tired.
- That my birthday party turned out to be more like Edgehopper's bachelor party, and involved a shooting range with a massive arsenal of many kinds of guns and also bows. That shot raw cookie dough. It's unclear whether they were for using cookie dough as a target or ammunition; possibly both, given that after five minutes of glorious violence, everything was completely covered in cookie dough. Ivy03 was deeply concerned that she had been forced to invite several coworkers to the party for professional reasons. I wasn't particularly bothered that she'd invited half a dozen people that I'd never met who were due to arrive at any minute, and spent several minutes trying to calm her social anxieties.
- I was trying to infiltrate a base at night that turned out, to our surprise, to be defended by AT-ATs and AT-STs with floodlights. I thought we could probably just hide in the woods and they'd walk right past us, but Lando didn't crouch down in the ferns fast enough and the searchlights caught his stupid blue cape and they started shooting at us.
- I was a giant squid lying on a table at Christie's, listening to people auction off my body parts, to my increasing horror.
- Perez Hilton called me at work, trying to buy TV advertising inventory to defend his claim that he is the originator of the term "amazeballs".
Oh god, I'm so tired.
